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Sexual Fantasy: Unfolding the Truth

The last stop of the subway and just you and that sexy stranger left. You want to, but you shouldn’t. He’s already decided you’re going to, and you’re going to enjoy it.

You’re the professor and, you’re always a little early so you can get one off before the students arrive. Maybe you’re student who needs to ace finals to pass, but there’s not time to study for a comprehensive test. This student/teacher conference just got interesting.

You finally asked her out. You made it back to her place. Great! Now, what is she planning to do with all that rope, the blindfold, a tickler, and a bowl of fruit?

Lost in thought? Mind wandering to dirty, dirty places? It’s okay. You’re not alone. We all have sexual fantasies.

What Is a Sexual Fantasy?

According to medical-dictionary/thefreedictionary.com, sexual fantasy is a mental image of an erotic nature that can lead to sexual arousal or private mental imagery associated with explicitly erotic feelings, accompanied by physiologic response to sexual arousal.

All that is science speak for sexy thoughts that tend to turn you on. Sexual fantasy is any daydream or dreamlike thought that elicits a feeling of arousal from you. Personally, I have a lot of them. We all do.

Yes. You are not alone in your thoughts of debauchery and it’s not just something men or people who watch porn do. While men engage in sexual fantasy more frequently, thinking dirty thoughts is something just about everyone does.

Sexual fantasy is a form of wish fulfillment and escapism we all use. According to PsychologyToday, only about 5% of people have never had a sexual fantasy or won’t admit to it.

What If My Sexual Fantasies Are Different?

It is highly unlikely that your thoughts and dreams are of a completely unrelatable sexual nature. Webmd, Medicaldaily, and New York Times all have articles, surveys, and statistics indicating that people tend to have fantasies on a spectrum of typical, common, unusual, and rare. Frequency of type and details of the fantasy are tied to things like sexual orientation and feelings about your actual relationships.

There are few times that any particular fantasy should be concerning. In relationships, the biggest concern is that fantasies increase emotional distance. In this instance, if sexual fantasy is bringing you closer or enhancing intimacy, continue. If not, there is a matter needing to be discussed or resolved.

As a whole, fantasies that spill into reality causing unconsented harm to yourself or others or that are of an illegal nature would be the greatest concern. An example of this case would be the rare fantasy of sex with someone underage or by force becoming an obsession.

So, What Are the Most Common Fantasies?

There is a pretty wide array of sexual fantasies especially with growing presence in the porn industry and sites promoting these interests. Let’s consider some of the most common.

Bondage and S&M fantasies are common to both men and women. It seems at some point we all want to play dominant/submissive or be tied or cuffed. The frequency and detail of this particular dream may be a clue to feelings about a relationship or other aspects of life, such as work. If this is a fantasy you are hoping to make your reality, there are a variety of ways that S&M play can add spice to a relationship and express levels of trust between a couple. Take turns having nights where one of you is in control or try light bondage with loosely tied sashes or being blindfolded. Build on it if you enjoy it.

Voyeurism, both watching and being watched, is another popular fantasy. Perhaps part of you is an exhibitionist. Maybe you like the idea of being seen or seeing without the risk of consequence. This is very much like fantasies of breaking a law or social norm or flouting a social norm and is often tied to fantasies about unusual or romantic places. In reality, watch each other undress, shower, or masturbate. Try small acts in semi secluded areas.

Threesomes, group sex, and even orgies are a popular fantasy of men, women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, and basically everyone at some point. The idea of being with more than one partner is not unusual and certainly not new as can be seen in ancient music, song, and art. The number of people experiencing play with more than one partner at a time is also increasing. As fantasies go, this one is more commonly achieved as society becomes more liberal.

One on one same-sex fantasies, fantasies of your partner, and fantasies of someone besides your partner are all also common. Typical fantasies for most involve their current partner, someone they know or see regularly, an ex, or a celebrity. In many cases, these basic sexual fantasies are more representative of your emotional state or the state of the relationship you are in. It is worth recording and reviewing any patterns in these dreams when facing questions in sexuality, troubles in a relationship, or stressful periods in life.

What Does It All Mean?

So you think about sex a few, or several dozen, times a day and it sometimes gives you stimulating feelings making you want the real thing. That’s okay. In fact, it is more than okay. It is normal, fulfilling, and possibly your mind working out what is going on in reality. It may be even be your subconscious letting you know it is time to explore new things sexually.

If you are in a relationship or going through a period of stress or anxiety and keep having the same sexual fantasy or type of sexual fantasy, take time to reflect. After time with your thoughts, discuss possibilities with your partner or those around you about changes or possible new sexual adventures.

If it is something that is or can only be fantasy, enjoy that as well. In many ways sexual fantasy can be as fulfilling as the real thing.

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