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The Four Different Styles of Dominants

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Last time, we covered the four primary kinds of submissive, or, at least, the four different motives of most submissives and how they’re usually some combination of the four varieties. This time, we’ll talk about the different styles of Dominants.

But it’s actually not fair to say there’re types of Dominants. The Dominant in a Top/bottom, Master/slave, Dominant/submissive relationship doesn’t get the luxury of setting their own pace as much. Dominance is a service you do for the submissive; albeit, with a position of power, so you get to make the rules for the most part. So we’re stressing these are styles of Dominance because that’s more ingrained. All of them can accomplish the same goals, but they’re usually prone to seek out their own complement.

As usual, we’ll provide the disclaimer that all of these apply to male and female and non-cis, straight, gay, and bi, cactus or fire hydrant or whatever.

#1. Daddy / Mommy Dom

The Dominant who assumes a somewhat parental role. This is in synch with many submissives who think of themselves as “littles,” “adult babies,” and so on. Even if there’s no overt parental / child roleplay, a more nurturing Dominant falls in this category.

These are the kind who excel at aftercare, negotiation, respecting limits, and being gentle and coddling with their charge. They can be the stern disciplinarian when they have to be, but it’s usually limited to the same kinds of parental discipline typical to the home and school. Newer members of BDSM culture tend to fall into this pattern at first until they find their true stride. This style is perfectly suited to the more timid or young-imprinted submissive, but other submissives may find these kind to be too indulgent and “touchy-feely.”

#2. Militant / Management Dom

Rules, rules, and more rules! This is the Dominant who asks little more of their partner than that they follow every rule, ritual, and regulation to the last letter. They tend to settle in with the kind of submissive who’s in it for the control, or who craves strict structure in his or her life.

These are the kind who are more likely to use contracts, schedules, to-do lists, formal rules of address, and following some tradition or another, such as the Gorean style. They excel at being consistent, keeping their partner on a tight leash, and following high protocol. You’ll find the “Old Guard” Dominants here. You’ll also find them attending munches and play parties with a social group, so they can show off their trained submissive who strikes kajira poses on command and always has the drink refill ready when the Top is finishing the last one. The Old Guard submissive wants one of these, but some submissives may find them not to their taste, if they’re in it just for the play side.

#3. Mentor / Sensei Dom

It’s a little corny, but many Dominants harbor a secret fantasy: The Pygmalion. That’s named after the Greek myth about the sculptor who fell in love with his own statue. Similarly, being in a Top position of power exchange is an excellent opportunity to mold your partner into your perfect lover. They tend to find the type of partner who’s looking for long-term commitment in being a true committed slave.

These are the Dominants who care more about their submissive’s ongoing training and development than just playing for play’s sake. If they’re talking play time, they will continually work with the submissive to consensually push his or her boundaries and limits. If they’re setting rules, they’re just as likely to assign the submissive books reading or gym training, because they want a healthy mind in a sound body. Long-term Dominant / submissive relationships tend to this pattern since it’s handy to have a goal to all this kinky play. While they’re diamonds to the slave seeking the life partner, submissives who are just looking for a transient play partner may not be interested in their long-term plans.

#4. Hedonist / Sadist Dom

And finally, this is the counterpart to the sensation-seeker submissive. While, of course, they’re still the one in charge when it comes to being a responsible person in control, they’re mostly in it because having your own sex slave to gratify your every juicy fantasy is a huge thrill. Their natural partner is the heavy pain-slut (male or female), emotional masochist, or other endorphin junkie.

These are the kind to heavily emphasize the playtime, and to ask full gratification of their every kinky thrill. They’re also the most likely to be switches, since at the extreme end there’s little difference between having it done to you or doing unto another. And by the way, just because you’re on Top doesn’t mean there’s no neurotransmitter fun for you; Dominance increases dopamine and serotonin, which also enhances sex and stimulation. Playing with a heavy masochist is also a “contact high,” as it’s exciting putting somebody through hard play and watching them respond to it. While these thrill-seekers are catnip for masochists, they’re not as well-suited to the kind of partner who’s more in it for the service or control.

Conclusion…

As with the types of submissive, the various styles of Dominants can mix and match in one person. But unlike submissives, these Dominant varieties are more learned than born. Most Dominants settle on one variation or another of these as their personal style. But a submissive who makes it worth their while can change that style, depending on the partner. As with our other article, the goal here is to enhance the conversation for all you lonely singles out there still seeking to find your perfect mate – or looking to mold the one you have into the ideal. At the very least, it helps explain why just because you’re both into BDSM, doesn’t mean you’re always compatible.

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