What Is Sexting? How does It Work?
At this point, most people know what sexting is but just in case you missed it – sexting is a combination of the words sex and text. The act of sexting is the combination of messages and/or images sent between people of a sexual nature. For many, it is a prelude to intercourse. In other cases, it is a substitution for sex and tool for masturbation. Some compare it to being the modern love letter, but I would disagree. If you have ever received an actual love letter or email and had a sext to compare them with, it would be clear the two are very different.
Sexting, at its best, works like flirting. There should be back and forth banter and innuendo, but the physical touches are verbal or images. For couples, it is a great extension of foreplay. It can get pretty steamy and is another aspect of a healthy sexual appetite.
How Did It Start?
Every medium of communication, be it verbal or visual, quickly becomes a tool in the sexual end game. Cell phones are no exception to this rule. In fact, cell phones have brought erotica right to our finger tips and made it portable. We can read and watch dirty books and movies anywhere. Even better than that, we can connect with other people in real time and engage in adult play anonymously or with a special someone. Sexting is the evolution of phone sex.
Sexy Sexting Safely
Despite the ease of access, it is important to sext responsibly. There need to be precautions for those choosing to engage in sexting with multiple people or anonymously. In a committed, trusting relationship the worst to be expected is that your significant other may show a friend a picture or particularly graphic message. If you are sexting with someone who is more of a hookup, risks increase. It is all too easy to have messages and images intended to be private become public information.
Some things to remember would be:
- If you aren’t in a committed relationship, consider limiting nudity and identifying marks, such as unique tattoos or birthmarks.
- Sexy selfies featuring the face can be tasteful, but they still may need to be in the reserves for a relationship sext.
- Talking dirty is good, but in a sext implying and innuendo go farther.
Sexting is one of those things that can be fun because of the potential to get caught, but really no one wants to get caught with their pants down.
Keys to a Good Sext
Like sex, flirting, kissing, and interacting with other people in general, some are naturally good at it while others need practice. Different things work for different people. We all have our own comfort zone and limits we are willing to explore. The best approaches to sexting stem from how you interact best in person. For some, this is easiest with someone they see in person allowing you to gauge reaction. For others, sexting is the opportunity to let out a side they never show and say what they can’t in person. People can be who they want to be in the safety of anonymity. Role play works well in bed and sext.
There are a few basic social, sexual graces to keep in mind. For one thing, no still means no. Some people simply do not sext. Some only sext similarly to having one night stands. Some sext as part of their relationship to keep things interesting. No matter which category you fall in, messages should not cannonball into genitalia pictures and lewd messages immediately. There should be the build, rise, and fall of desirable encounter. Sexting should be a means of sexual satisfaction or at least moving in that direction.
Where in flirting a woman might laugh at the right moment, flip her hair, touch your arm, and lean into the conversation to strategically show leg or breast, a sext will follow similar pattern. The complement would be to lol or mention how funny someone is, a flirty emoji, and a friendly yet sexy selfie or body shot in a sexy, but tasteful outfit and pose. If things go farther, it will mostly pattern the way encounters work in real life.
A man in person may compliment something in your face or about your body, brush your hair away or otherwise find means to touch you in a sweet but suggestive manner, then say or imply more definitively. This should also be his pattern in sext. Likewise, the follow up will mirror reality to an extent.
A point is reached in flirting where it is clear you are not interested, going home together, or taking things to another room. In sexting you determine whether the conversation will circle back to casual conversation, continue at another time or place, or lead to another level of intimacy. Sexting in many ways is a tool to lower inhibition. It is easier to be brave or let someone down gently when it’s not face to face.
If you decide clothes are coming off and the messages will become more graphic, if it is not someone you are close with, you may want to avoid nude shots with face included and avoid names. Also, don’t jump from fully clothed to full Monty; tease and strip. Engage each other as you would enjoy each other in reality. Make the experience as true to fantasy or reality as your device will allow, if that is the direction your interaction takes.
Get the Message?
With that, you are ready to enter the world of sexting or fine-tune your current skills and activities. The most important thing to remember is treat it like any sexual encounter: be safe, be confident, and have fun. The experience will be what you make it.